Wonderful Son and Brother
Said the angels to the Lord "It's time for another birth", and that birth came in 1971 when my twin sons were born, a precious gift from God sent to me but still to this day I do not know why, maybe it was to teach me patience, understanding and caring but whatever the reason I am blessed to have been given the chance to care for one of Heaven's special children.
It was a very exciting day when my twins were born, here I was thinking I was the only one in this world that ever had twins and how clever I was... Well 4 days after they were born the wind was sure knocked out of my sails and I came down to earth with a big thud... I was woken during the night to be told that one of my twins was very sick and a priest had been called to anoint him.
I thought, this cannot be happening I must be dreaming and what a bad dream it was... No!! God wouldn't do this to a little baby... I walked to the nursery in a daze and was confronted with what was going to be a very long struggle for my Angel to survive, little did I know how big a struggle it was going to be for all of us. This was no dream, this was a terrible nightmare
He was rushed to the city hospital for diagnosis and treatment and within days the news came that it was Menengites and that damage had been done to his brain. My salvation was my other three children but I think I was just going through the motions of being a mother at that time...
Well, the day arrived for him to come home after his major surgery, he was now 6mths old and I was so scared that I wouldn't know how to care for him and could we both find the missed love after being apart for so long and during the critical time of mother and child bonding, all these things raced through my mind in the space of it seemed like seconds.
I slowly walked into his hospital room and my heart sank to see my little Angel with three horse shoe scars on his head that housed his three shunts and with over 100 stitches... I again asked God "Why have you let this happen, he is a little baby, what has he ever done to deserve this?", you had better come up with a bloody good reason I thought... I smile as I write this, it is strange what goes through your mind, here I was demanding God give me a darn good reason!.
My Angel was now in my arms ready to belong to our family ...I felt like I had just bought something, I was handed my goods and was waiting for the "Thank you, have a nice day, come again thing", and I was left to do my best, at that moment I did a big turn around I said "Oh God, where the hell are you? you got me into this, now you have to help me here"... "Please!!!!"... The drive home that day seemed to take forever, but my mind was not still for a moment, I thought to myself "if only" we had been living in the city it wouldn't have been this bad, now, isn't that such a tiny word "If" but covers so much... The one thing that was ringing in my ears that day was the Doctor saying "Your son will not see five", I thought to myself, lock that information away for now, I really haven't time to think about it, and anyway what would he know, who does he think he is, God!... We all blame God when things go wrong it is true, (and yes I was very good at blaming him) but we never think to say thank you when our lives are going well.
I looked at my tiny son and what he had endured in his short life so far, he had such a strong will to live he must have really wanted to stay, that was the day I promised him that while ever there was a breath in his body I would help him hold on to each day of his precious life, and that we did with both hands... Oh, I cannot remember how many times I nearly lost that grip, and felt him sliding through my fingers many times, but thank god he had the spirit to hold on with me.
Now it was time to pull myself back into the world of the living... Here I was with four children who needed me, and who I just adored, so it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself and do what had to be done... Every painfull operation he went through I went through with him, and my heart was broken again and again... I am sure most mothers have had a broken heart sometime in their life, and you wonder just how many times your heart can break before it shatters...
The visits to hospital were many, seizures were the next thing he had to contend with, watching his little body shake was the most horrific thing I had ever seen and being helpless to do anything about it was even worse, until one day I heard on the radio that a parent had talked his daughter back from a seizure... Well I tried it and it worked, I called his name and although still in the seizure he heard me and was smiling while the tears were flowing down my face.
I taught him to talk, to crawl, to eat and to love...~Love~ now that was something, he didn't like being held or cuddled, so when everyone had left the house I would pick him up and cuddle him, he would push me away and scream but I would hold him and tell him I loved him until one day he didn't fight me or scream, another huge step in his life, for every little step for others was a huge one for him... Now I was just waiting to hear three words from him. "Love You Mum".
Remembering the hospital stays are stories in themselves, what a nightmare for everyone concerned... The hospital held play group on the 4th floor balcony and My Angel found a hose and turned it on the kids, nurses, sisters & anyone who tried to get it from him.
When ever he came down from surgery (which were many) he would take his drip out when no one was watching, or the day when he walked out of the hospital ward and no one noticed and was found riding up and down in the lift... The hospital ward went into "Major Panic Mode" when he arrived for treatment...
As the years passed things settled down a little, the seizures were under control, he was now at school, my sanity, I think was starting to return, well if there is such a thing as sanity with 4 sons, or maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, or would this be my permanent state of mind. God love them I thought, they have wrecked my body, my house, my car, my bank balance and now my mind, it was scary to think that they had just started.
After a scan, yet another set back a cyst in the back of his head and shunt #4 had to be inserted and another tube would be running down his back just under the skin... I am sure his doctor must of had a degree in plumbing... It seemed like lights flashed and bells rang when we entered the hospital ward, and you could see the horrified look on the faces of the sister's that knew him. Well they did not escape the terror that time either, and when I entered the ward the next morning I was confronted with what he had done the night before, tubes were cut on the drip and monitor with a pair of sissors that had been left on his bedside chest, very pleased were they when it was time for My Angel to be discharged.
There have been two setbacks since, one was the shunt in the back of his head breaking down and fluid leaking into his spinal cord so 12 months back and forth to the city for numerous opperations left him in a wheelchair, hiccups twentyfour hours, seven days a week, and he could hardly swallow, but through all this with determination and courage he got out of the wheelchair... The other was a stroke in 1998, which set him back once again and back into a wheelchair, but through all the years I have never heard My Angel complain once, or give up his right to be on this earth.
Everyone that met him loved him... He touched many a life and had a wonderful sence of humor, he never complained, winged or askes for anything... And yes I did hear those three wonderful words "Love You Mum" it took many years and my heart sang for joy that day....
He is My Angel, My Gift from God, He is My Son.
This day the 12/11/2001 is the sadest day of my life.
You endured so much in your short life my Angel, but never a complaint from you. You took every day as it came and taught me understanding, patience, endurence and the courage to face what ever came along.
Everyone that knew you loved you, you touched many a soul with your wonderful sense of humour and warm smile. Voilins would play, trumpeters joined in, Angels would sing, and you filled hearts with sunshine when you smiled.
Our fingers got slippery every now and then, but with your courage we held onto your every breath together, until this day, it was time for you to spread your wings and I knew it was time to let you go home to rest. I thank God and you for the privilege of being your Mother.
You left your stamp on my heart "Troy Lawler lives here"
"You were My Angel on Earth, now you are God's Angel in Heaven".
All Rights Reserved 1999... Lorraine
This story or any part of this story may not be used without consent from the author
It was a very exciting day when my twins were born, here I was thinking I was the only one in this world that ever had twins and how clever I was... Well 4 days after they were born the wind was sure knocked out of my sails and I came down to earth with a big thud... I was woken during the night to be told that one of my twins was very sick and a priest had been called to anoint him.
I thought, this cannot be happening I must be dreaming and what a bad dream it was... No!! God wouldn't do this to a little baby... I walked to the nursery in a daze and was confronted with what was going to be a very long struggle for my Angel to survive, little did I know how big a struggle it was going to be for all of us. This was no dream, this was a terrible nightmare
He was rushed to the city hospital for diagnosis and treatment and within days the news came that it was Menengites and that damage had been done to his brain. My salvation was my other three children but I think I was just going through the motions of being a mother at that time...
Well, the day arrived for him to come home after his major surgery, he was now 6mths old and I was so scared that I wouldn't know how to care for him and could we both find the missed love after being apart for so long and during the critical time of mother and child bonding, all these things raced through my mind in the space of it seemed like seconds.
I slowly walked into his hospital room and my heart sank to see my little Angel with three horse shoe scars on his head that housed his three shunts and with over 100 stitches... I again asked God "Why have you let this happen, he is a little baby, what has he ever done to deserve this?", you had better come up with a bloody good reason I thought... I smile as I write this, it is strange what goes through your mind, here I was demanding God give me a darn good reason!.
My Angel was now in my arms ready to belong to our family ...I felt like I had just bought something, I was handed my goods and was waiting for the "Thank you, have a nice day, come again thing", and I was left to do my best, at that moment I did a big turn around I said "Oh God, where the hell are you? you got me into this, now you have to help me here"... "Please!!!!"... The drive home that day seemed to take forever, but my mind was not still for a moment, I thought to myself "if only" we had been living in the city it wouldn't have been this bad, now, isn't that such a tiny word "If" but covers so much... The one thing that was ringing in my ears that day was the Doctor saying "Your son will not see five", I thought to myself, lock that information away for now, I really haven't time to think about it, and anyway what would he know, who does he think he is, God!... We all blame God when things go wrong it is true, (and yes I was very good at blaming him) but we never think to say thank you when our lives are going well.
I looked at my tiny son and what he had endured in his short life so far, he had such a strong will to live he must have really wanted to stay, that was the day I promised him that while ever there was a breath in his body I would help him hold on to each day of his precious life, and that we did with both hands... Oh, I cannot remember how many times I nearly lost that grip, and felt him sliding through my fingers many times, but thank god he had the spirit to hold on with me.
Now it was time to pull myself back into the world of the living... Here I was with four children who needed me, and who I just adored, so it was time to stop feeling sorry for myself and do what had to be done... Every painfull operation he went through I went through with him, and my heart was broken again and again... I am sure most mothers have had a broken heart sometime in their life, and you wonder just how many times your heart can break before it shatters...
The visits to hospital were many, seizures were the next thing he had to contend with, watching his little body shake was the most horrific thing I had ever seen and being helpless to do anything about it was even worse, until one day I heard on the radio that a parent had talked his daughter back from a seizure... Well I tried it and it worked, I called his name and although still in the seizure he heard me and was smiling while the tears were flowing down my face.
I taught him to talk, to crawl, to eat and to love...~Love~ now that was something, he didn't like being held or cuddled, so when everyone had left the house I would pick him up and cuddle him, he would push me away and scream but I would hold him and tell him I loved him until one day he didn't fight me or scream, another huge step in his life, for every little step for others was a huge one for him... Now I was just waiting to hear three words from him. "Love You Mum".
Remembering the hospital stays are stories in themselves, what a nightmare for everyone concerned... The hospital held play group on the 4th floor balcony and My Angel found a hose and turned it on the kids, nurses, sisters & anyone who tried to get it from him.
When ever he came down from surgery (which were many) he would take his drip out when no one was watching, or the day when he walked out of the hospital ward and no one noticed and was found riding up and down in the lift... The hospital ward went into "Major Panic Mode" when he arrived for treatment...
As the years passed things settled down a little, the seizures were under control, he was now at school, my sanity, I think was starting to return, well if there is such a thing as sanity with 4 sons, or maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, or would this be my permanent state of mind. God love them I thought, they have wrecked my body, my house, my car, my bank balance and now my mind, it was scary to think that they had just started.
After a scan, yet another set back a cyst in the back of his head and shunt #4 had to be inserted and another tube would be running down his back just under the skin... I am sure his doctor must of had a degree in plumbing... It seemed like lights flashed and bells rang when we entered the hospital ward, and you could see the horrified look on the faces of the sister's that knew him. Well they did not escape the terror that time either, and when I entered the ward the next morning I was confronted with what he had done the night before, tubes were cut on the drip and monitor with a pair of sissors that had been left on his bedside chest, very pleased were they when it was time for My Angel to be discharged.
There have been two setbacks since, one was the shunt in the back of his head breaking down and fluid leaking into his spinal cord so 12 months back and forth to the city for numerous opperations left him in a wheelchair, hiccups twentyfour hours, seven days a week, and he could hardly swallow, but through all this with determination and courage he got out of the wheelchair... The other was a stroke in 1998, which set him back once again and back into a wheelchair, but through all the years I have never heard My Angel complain once, or give up his right to be on this earth.
Everyone that met him loved him... He touched many a life and had a wonderful sence of humor, he never complained, winged or askes for anything... And yes I did hear those three wonderful words "Love You Mum" it took many years and my heart sang for joy that day....
He is My Angel, My Gift from God, He is My Son.
This day the 12/11/2001 is the sadest day of my life.
You endured so much in your short life my Angel, but never a complaint from you. You took every day as it came and taught me understanding, patience, endurence and the courage to face what ever came along.
Everyone that knew you loved you, you touched many a soul with your wonderful sense of humour and warm smile. Voilins would play, trumpeters joined in, Angels would sing, and you filled hearts with sunshine when you smiled.
Our fingers got slippery every now and then, but with your courage we held onto your every breath together, until this day, it was time for you to spread your wings and I knew it was time to let you go home to rest. I thank God and you for the privilege of being your Mother.
You left your stamp on my heart "Troy Lawler lives here"
"You were My Angel on Earth, now you are God's Angel in Heaven".
All Rights Reserved 1999... Lorraine
This story or any part of this story may not be used without consent from the author